Valentine's Day Special 2011

Dead Alive (1992)

"They're not dead, exactly, just sort of. . . rotting."

I needed a great love story for this post.  My original plan was to review "Never Let Me Go", but that movie is too depressing, so I dumped that idea.  I know, I know, supposedly the best love stories are the ones that end in tragedy ("Romeo and Juliet", anyone?).  And, don't get me wrong, "Never Let Me Go" is a good movie, and it has a bit of a sci-fi twist, which will always peak my initial interest, but I was just not feeling it this time.  It's a "bah-humbug " sort of Valentine's Season here in Shiftytown, and I want something uplifting, romantic, funny, and full of flesheating zombies chowing down on people who have funny accents.  Yes, "Shaun of the Dead" was an equally-classic contender in that category, but "Dead Alive" has seniority (almost 20 years old!!!).  I also like it a little bit more than "Shaun". 

So there.

If you haven't seen this sloppy wet treat do yourself a favor and seek it out right now.  Get the Unrated cut  - do not even bother with the R-rated version.  I repeat, DO NOT bother with R.  It's 15 minutes shorter than the "real" cut of the movie, and totally pointless.  "R" stands for "Run Far, Far Away And Get The Unrated Cut, You Jive Turkeys".

This movie is a great comedic love story.  It's also the goriest movie ever made.  I'm not kidding, this movie literally holds the record for using the most amount of (fake) blood and guts in its production.  It's original title was "Braindead", but the distributor changed it for us Americans because of another movie called "Braindead" which came out a couple of years earlier.  And it's the third film from New Zealand-born director Peter Jackson.  Just a couple of years after making "the goriest fright film of all time", he was nominated for a couple of Oscars for his period drama "Heavenly Creatures".  He also made a couple of movies called "The Lord of the Rings", or something.  Never heard of 'em.

The foreign posters proclaimed this "a love story with guts".  I love that line.  In America, the tagline was "you'll laugh yourself sick".  Both quotes are accurate.  Here's a taste. . .

Welcome to New Zealand in the 1950's.  Lionel lives at home with his overbearing mother.  At the nearby corner grocery store, the lovely Paquita gets a tarot card reading from her grandmother.  It seems that Paquita's true love is about to walk into her life - but death and danger follow in his wake.  Paquita meets Lionel.  It's not long before they're off to the zoo for a first date - with Lionel's snoopy mother in tow.  Mum accidentally gets bitten by a Sumatran rat monkey and, over the next few days, begins turning into a braindead flesh-craving zombie with an infectious bite.  Soon mum is infecting others with zombie-itis, and it's up to poor Lionel to keep the zombie plague from spreading any further.  Obviously, this puts a strain on his budding romance with Paquita.

See, here is where the fantasy element comes in.  A 20-something year-old guy living at home with mom?  No way, sister.  Most women would be out of there posthaste, but not Paquita.  She sticks with her man through both that and a zombie apocalypse, and the hardships they endure only serve to strengthen their loving bond.  What a woman!

The tone of this movie is perfect.  It's a cartoon, no doubt, accentuated by over the top gore effects, loopy camerawork, and silent film-style performances from all actors involved.  Despite the fact it takes place in the 50's, it feels like an old fashioned movie, something out of the golden age of Hollywood crossed with a pulpy EC Comics-like storyline.  Timothy Balme is great as Lionel, whether bumbling around like Charlie Chaplin, injecting animal tranquilizers into his zombie "prisoners", or discovering his mum's horrifying secrets.  Diana Penalver is charming and believable as the Spanish spitfire Paquita.  He's a shut-in loner and she's an immigrant.  It's believable when these two get together, two outsiders looking for companionship in an unforgiving world.

The love story at the center of this movie is so straightforward and sweet that, when the gore hits the fan and the movie lets loose, it imbues the over-the-top laugh-a-minute mayhem with enough urgency to lift the entire film to a higher level, making it the classic it is today.  I cannot even describe this movie.  Nor would I want to - there's so much creative invention on display in this movie, it's unbelievable.  I wouldn't want to spoil the surprises.  Well, maybe a couple!  There's an ass-kicking kung fu priest, living muppet-like guts, a giant monster, a Nazi veterinarian, pus in custard, more zombie-killin' tools than you can shake a zombie killin' tool at, and gore, gore, gore, gore, gore, gore galore (courtesy of the great FX maestro Richard Taylor).  There's even a zombie romance.  Well, hot zombie-on-zombie action, that is.  Which results in the birth of a little ravenous baby zombie named Selwyn.  In this clip, Lionel decides to take little Selwyn to the park for a fun little outing.  Probably a bad idea. . .

Ah, and I can't forget to mention Lionel's lecherous Uncle Les, who does his best to swindle Lionel out of his inheritance when mum "dies".  He's a great villain.  Then there's the music.  Very retro, very "synth", very cheesy, but its melody never fails to get stuck in my head whenever I watch this movie.

I've loved this movie since I saw it as a teenager in the early 90's, and I love it still.  It's a non-stop, laugh a minute ride with disgustingly jaw-dropping special effects as well as a sweet, uplifting love story sandwiched within a twisted tale of zombie shenanigans.  Maybe the true romance here isn't the one onscreen, maybe it's between me and this movie. . .

Yuck.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

Bonus material - For the fans, here's the infamous lawnmower scene as re-enacted by marshmallow Peeps.