The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
"Damn. I've won."
We are all brainwashed. Screenwriting students are taught to construct movie storylines using a strict point-by-point formula. This formula is present in nearly every mainstream movie made within the last 90 or so years. It's not necessarily a bad thing because, clearly, the formula works. But if you've ever disliked a movie and was unable to articulate exactly why you disliked said movie, well, chances are that the reason is simple - it didn't follow the formula. Once again, that's not a bad thing. But it is jarring, and many people don't like to be jarred. Occasionally, I do. Having said that, here's the latest film from Terry Gilliam (Minnesotan), which actually does follow "the formula" - in a very broad sense. On a story point-by-point basis, however, it's way off. Most Terry Gilliam movies are ("Monty Python and the Holy Grail", "Time Bandits", "12 Monkeys", "The Fisher King", "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", and my favorite, "Brazil"). But if you like jarring, freeform storytelling, from a director with the heart of a Chuck Jones-loving Renaissance painter, here you go. It's the story of an immortal storyteller (Dr. Parnassus, played by Christopher Plummer) and his endless gambling habit - he's constantly making bets with the Devil (Tom Waits, perfect combo of sliminess and charm). Then a man named Tony (Heath Ledger), a man with many secrets, drops into his life. This is the film that Heath Ledger was making when he died, and his role had to be finished using three more actors - Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. Ledger's signature role is still the Joker from "The Dark Knight", but this is a fine farewell. And it's a welcome return to the fantasy genre for Mr. Gilliam.
Outlander
"That is not a bear."
Remember when that spaceship crash landed in Norway in 709 B.C.? Yeah, me too. There was one survivor - Kainan (Jim Caviezel, a.k.a. Jesus from "The Passion of the Christ"), a pilot from another world. Scratch that, there were two survivors. The other one was a Moorwen, a nasty alien creature. Kainan and the Moorwen hate each other. When the Moorwen began to pick off the local Viking population, Kainan decided to join forces with them and strike back. First, though, he had to earn their trust. Remember? Good, because it's all just a loose retelling of the classic "Beowulf" story anyway. First time director Howard McCain and "Lord of the Rings" producer Barrie Osborne have made the best B-movie of 2009. It's a monster movie, a sci-fi movie, and a medieval adventure movie all wrapped into one, and it's solid as a rock. The special effects are kick-ass, the musical score is sweeping and epic, the acting is well done (Ron Perlman's in it - 'nuff said), and it all adds up to an A-list B-movie. What the hell does that mean? It's just a good time at the movies. No pretentions. No explorations of the human condition. Vikings versus aliens. At one point, our heroes fashion swords and axes out of the debris of the crashed alien ship. Cool! Fun fact - this was the most downloaded movie of 2009, for some reason. Correction: illegally downloaded. Which may have led to its negligible theatrical release. Friggin' pirates.
Paranormal Activity
"Obviously, this is incontrovertible evidence that evil forces came from beyond the grave to move your keys."
Huh? What was that? Did you hear that? Ahhhhh! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Did you see that? I thought I saw something over there! Oh, wait - I'm a man. I should just puff out my chest and make a smartass remark. That wasn't scary. Aw hell naw. That was stu - AHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!?? THAT was "Paranormal Activity", the surprise hit of 2009, the little movie that came out of nowhere, the movie that came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and it was all out of bubblegum, the movie that. . . well, you get the picture. Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat play a young couple named Katie and Micah. They live in a nice house in suburbia. To document the unexplainable occurrences that seem to be, um, occurring, Micah brings home a brand new video camera. It is through this camera that we witness what happens over the next few nights - and what happens is HORROR. Doors move. Something walks very loudly. Keys are moved. Sanity is put to the test. In the tradition of the films of Val Lewton, less indeed proves to be more, and director Oren Peli is clearly a Lewton fan. DO NOT watch this movie alone at night, in a house. I'm warning you. And it delights me to no end to know that the supernatural prankster is NOT a ghost. This movie is lean, mean, and simply scary. Be assured the even-better sequel will appear on my Top 25 of 2010 list, which will be coming sometime within the next 15 years. Or a year from now.
Crank: High Voltage
"You are my shiny lunchbox."
Mini-Review: "Crank" (2006) - Directed by a couple of extreme sports documentarians, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, "Crank" is the cinematic equivalent of a good punk rock tune. Advertised as a straight-up action thriller (it isn't), audiences instead got a zany, adrenalized living video game (years before "Scott Pilgrim vs the World"). It gained a cult following.
There seem to be two kinds of music fans - those who sing with the artist, and those who let the artist sing to them. Punk rock music is made for people who want to sing with the band. Movies are much the same, and the "Crank" movies are made for those crazy audience members who want to sing along with the filmmakers. Neveldine and Taylor's "Crank: High Voltage" is 10,000 times more punk rock crazy than the first one. It is pure fucking cinematic anarchy. Living heads in fish tanks. Vengeful assassins with Full-Body Tourette's (?). David Carradine playing a character named Poon Dong. A power plant fight sequence turning into a cheesy Godzilla-style giant monster showdown (complete with a guy in a Jason Statham mask). It's only appropriate that Faith No More's Mike Patton should provide the score, or that rock anarchists such as Maynard James Keenan and Chester Bennington, among others, should appear in the movie. Plus, I gotta root for Jason Statham. Yay for balding action heroes! With all the great comedies that came out in 2009, this crazy action movie was the funniest thing I saw all year.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
"Are you cussing with me?"
Come on, I couldn't finish up without putting at least one more animated movie on the list! From live-action filmmaker Wes Anderson ("Rushmore", "The Royal Tenenbaums", "The Life Aquatic") comes this stop-motion animated adaptation of Roald Dahl's classic book. Featuring the voices of many talented folks (George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Willem Dafoe), "Fantastic Mr. Fox" tells the tale of the fantastic Mr. Fox, thief extraordinaire (of chickens). At the behest of his wife (Mrs. Fox), Mr. Fox attempts to put his criminal ways behind him and settle down into a respectable life. But not without pulling off one last big score, of course. Needless to say, things don't go as planned. I love stop motion (see the "Coraline" review). The animation in this movie is not very polished, on purpose. It's got a homemade feel to it; you can see it in the way the characters' fur bristles unnaturally. This personal touch creates a very "honest" feel to the movie, like the films of animators such as Ray Harryhausen or Willis O'Brien. And yet, it still feels like a Wes Anderson movie. The characters are well drawn, the dialogue is witty and sharp, and the laughs are character-based rather than situation-based, something that's very, very hard to pull off. This is my favorite animated film of 2009. And then there's the "wolf encounter" scene near the end of the movie - one of my favorite scenes of the year, period. Cracks me up every single time I see it.
That's all, folks! Good night, and good luck. May the Force be with you. Till next time, homies. Thanks for watching!
'Whew'
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