Drive Angry (2011)

"Even in hell, there is compassion."

You can't force a cult movie.

When you make a film, you have exactly 0% control over how it will be received by audiences.  They will determine the fate of your film and where it will stand, in terms of status.  The "popular" ones, the giant studio-produced megahits, their fates hinge on gazillion-dollar ad campaigns and "brand recognition", as well as a good enough reception by audiences so that the box office take for each subsequent weekend doesn't drop by more than 50%.  Most cult movies are failures, at first.  Either their campaigns fail, or they are barely released at all.  In time, however, someones sees it, loves it, and shares it.  Like a virus, word spreads, until a like-minded audience of passionate folks, a "cult", is born.  The audience makes the movie.

The makers of "Drive Angry" set out with intention of creating a cult movie.  Nope.  It didn't work for "Snakes on a Plane", either.  Here's the only good part in that entire movie -

There, now you don't need to see the rest of it.  Wait a second, here's the edited-for-TV version of that same scene.  Even better -

What the hell does this have to do with "Drive Angry"?  Just killing time. I guess.

I really wanted to like this movie, but didn't.  It left me feeling "meh".  Nicholas Cage plays a badass monkey fighter who escapes from hell to save his baby granddaughter from a Satanic cult leader, who plans on sacrificing her on the night of a full moon so that hell will "walk the earth", all the while being pursued by an agent from hell known as the Accountant.  Oh, that old story.

No, it's not like "Ghost Rider".  Stop it.

So it's a chase movie.  Awesome, I love a good chase movie.  There's a cool 1969 Dodge Charger in it.  Sweet.  It's a cliche to put one of those in a chase movie nowadays, but sweet. 

Cage's character is named John Milton.  Heh, heh, I get it. 

There are plenty of classic Southern rock songs in the soundtrack.  Another chase movie cliche. 

Does Cage have a funky toupee - I mean, hairstyle?  Check. 

There's plenty of  b-movie sex and violence, none of it original or impactful in any way (there's even a scene where a character participates in a gunfight while having sex - done far better in "Desperado" and "Shoot-Em-Up").

There are car stunts and chases, none of them particularly memorable or original.  You'd think a movie called "Drive Angry" would have at least one outstanding moment of automobile mayhem.  Nope.

Swearing?  You bet your Monday to Friday ass there is, none of it well-written.  It's like someone who swears a lot just because they have low vocabulary skills.  Sounds lazy.

Are there crappy special effects sequences that look even crappier when viewed in 3-D?  Checkedy check.  Way too many of those.

And how is the overall 3-D, you may ask?  Good quality.  There are some great 3-D shots sprinkled here and there, and it adds to the movie a tiny bit.  I just wish it had been used for a better movie.

The cast doesn't do a bad job, considering what they have to work with.  Nicholas Cage is fine.  He gets a couple of nice badass moments, but his character is a cliche.  Amber Heard (blonde helper monkey) is the eye candy and her character is annoying for most of the film, but she still comes across as strangely likable.  Billy Burke, as the cult leader Jonah King, is appropriately slimy and scumbaggish.  Heck, David Morse and legendary b-movie actor Tom Atkins even show up to collect their paychecks.

But the real standout in the cast is William Fichtner as the Accountant.  He steals the show in almost every scene he's in, and captures some of the maniacal spirit that the rest of this movie desperately needed.  It's almost worth seeking this out just to see his performance.  Almost.

Director Patrick Lussier and scripter Todd Farmer also made the 3-D remake of "My Bloody Valentine", which would have been completely lame without the gimmick of 3-D.  "Drive Angry" is a better movie than "Valentine".  But not by much.  All the ingredients were here for a punk rock night at the movies, but what we're left with is elevator muzak.  With a decent guitar solo by the Accountant.

This movie just fell flat for me at every critical juncture.  The filmmakers tried to make a cult film, but there's nothing much here for an audience to hold onto.  It's a wannabe.  Time will tell if I'm wrong about this, but we'll see.  Time to go watch "Vanishing Point" again. . .

You want a cult movie?  Here's yer cult movie.  It's been screening at plenty of film festivals over the last year or so, it already has a cult following, and will be in theaters next month.  Stop me if you've heard this before - a car tire comes to life, develops telekinetic powers, then obsesses over and stalks a beautiful woman.  In other words, it's totally in my wheelhouse -

Wheelhouse.  Ha, ha.